Yes I know how to make an excel spreadsheet. And yes I know how to make a budget and yes I know that I have a money problem. The problem is that I don’t have enough money to get through the rest of the year. I work my day job all the days that are available for me to work. I’ve cut back on most of what I can cut back on. I have not bought proper new clothes or shoes in over a year and most days I pack a lunch. I’ve suspended all travel plans. I rarely go to restaurants and I avoid dating and picking up the tab for the underemployed boy toys I usually like to hang out with. I’ve shredded my favorite credit card and have removed the rest from my wallet. I do not randomly stop at Home Depot to purchase miscellaneous fasteners, building supplies and outdoor plants. I stay away from Dick Blick Art Supply even though the shop is just two blocks away from my psychotherapist where I go every week. I make a conscious effort to avoid browsing amazon.com for books, electronics equipment and everything else. I don’t eat so much -mostly vegetables. I belong to a cheap gym and I drink cheap wine. I dye my own hair.
Perhaps I should have made different choices about relocating/expanding my studio. Perhaps I should have shared my five-year plan with the persons subsidizing the new studio and asked if we were on the same page. Obviously we were not, and now I’m kind of fucked until I can raise more cash. I know I made a bourgeois deal with the bourgeois devil. I’m feeling kind of trapped. I want to scream: Fuck the gentrification that forced to me to relocate! But of course I do understand that many other folks are facing much larger gentrification issues…especially many of my neighbors.
I am happy that I have been able to sustain the fantastic studio where I am currently located. If I were young and cute I would just fuck and suck for the extra needed cash as I had done when facing a similar crisis in the faraway past when I was young and cute. Of course I am still cute – just not so young anymore. So maybe now I just need to meet older (or younger) clients? Or maybe now I just need to sell more art?